Dear Diary 1: Platform overload

In which I have big ideas but don't actually do anything about them

This post is free but future monthly Dear Diary posts will be for paid subscribers only.

Can’t I do it all though?

Is anyone else feeling entirely overloaded by platforms and apps and…just, technology in general I wonder?

A while ago I announced on my Instagram that I was starting something new, I called it “my own media channel”, and I believed it too. I’d had a one-to-one mentoring session with the brilliant

Farrah Storr

(her Substack is well worth subscribing to, by the way - especially if you’re an aspiring writer) and come away excited and raring to go. Except, there was a little niggle. Farrah suggested that my plan to continue posting to my own website “A middle-aged Londoner” AND to Substack wasn’t the smartest idea and perhaps I’d be better off just posting to here. But I can’t get my head round the idea of landing in people’s inboxes with any sort of regularity, I suppose my brain isn’t being elastic enough, or something. And on top of that, I rather love my website, it took me ages to get it how I wanted, and I feel proud of it. I have an idea of it growing into this beautiful one-stop-shop kind of place for people in their 40s and above. And because of this, until this weekend, I hadn’t posted anywhere! I’ve been going round and round in my brain trying to think about what felt most, authentic I guess, for me - what excited me the most. And to a far far lesser extent, what I had capacity for.

I had been planning to remove my paid subscription options and just, quietly see where I went with this (actually that’s where Farrah had left me, that was the first step on the plan) and literally an hour before sitting down to action that, I got my first paid subscription through - THANK YOU!! What an absolute honour for someone to part with their hard-earned money to read/listen to my ramblings. And so it began again “How can I do both? What do I put where? What do I give paid subscribers? HOW do I do it all!?” Throw into the mix that I have a dedicated middle-aged Londoner Instagram and, yup, almost total meltdown. Just to be clear, I did reach out to my paid subscriber and offer to refund the money as I’m not decided yet what my offer would be but they declined, saying that I’ve inspired them across my various channels, and they wanted to support me. That feels amazing. It also feels like, you know what… I can do this!

A new home.

I’ve just imported my last 20 posts from my website to here and, I’m going all in – this is my home now and I thank you for following along. So, for now – it’s Substack and my personal Instagram all the way except… what about Facebook, and Twitter (don’t use it) and TikTok (very nearly convinced myself yesterday that yes, I would get on there), how about Threads? I wasn’t going to but then I went to a hospitality industry event, and I was reminded of the ‘importance’ of being on top of all of this, ahead of the game. And don’t get me started on BeReal (literally, don’t, I don’t want to do it).  And, and, I’m just exhausted. Is anyone else? Where are you putting your energy? I’ve just signed up to another new one (see my “Tickling my fancy”) – it’s meant to be different, I’m trying it, we’ll see. I’ll report back to you.

At the moment my plan is to focus on here and set a limit for my other socials, namely Instagram. What about you, are any of you on all of them and loving it? Or, perhaps none – I do have a few friends who have ditched social media completely. That feels like a step too far to me!

An emotional few months.

The past couple of months have been taken up with leaving my dream job (yeh, turned out it wasn’t really the dream – these things happen) which was, emotional. I really hoped that I would be there for years but in the end it was only a year. I also got divorced! Even though my ex and I have been separated for almost a decade and actively trying to get the blinkin divorce finalised for about a year, it still stung. I mean, it did. I can tra la la and say this is the beginning of the rest of my life etc etc as much as I want, and, of course, it is, or it can be if I want it to but, it also hurt. It brought with it a huge wave of sadness that I’m not certain, weeks later, I’ve managed to quite shake. I’m now a new category of person, a divorcee, and that feels weird, disappointing.

I took a couple of weeks immediately after finishing the dream job to just decompress. I extended an already booked Paris trip to include a few days at Margot’s Retreat in Southeastern France (more on that soon) where I full on relaxed. And since returning I’ve been applying for jobs and going to interviews and trying really hard not to get stressed about the lack of income and the lack of an interview to offer, conversion. This isn’t like the last time, where I was off work for a year, but there is still a little niggle that wants me to spiral into madcap money-making schemes – as I sit here, there’s a box to my right of cookery books I no longer want that instead of giving to a charity shop I was thinking I might sell! Sigh.

Online dating – the best thing since sliced bread or, a waste of time?

I’ve also been dabbling with online dating again. I swore this time would be different, this time I would enjoy it. I signed up to Match.com, taking out a paid subscription which I promptly cancelled, but not until I’d paid for the first three months. I’d also joined Hinge, thankfully without parting with any of my money, and that seemed like more fun. It’s a much more dynamic platform, allowing you to put up voice prompts and videos as well as photos. For a REALLY short time, I had quite a lot of fun putting up daily videos of me talking to camera as I went for a walk. I thought this was a really clever way of addressing that plea you always see on dating sites of “please make sure your photos are recent!”. I was quite ‘real’, I presented myself as I am and, absolutely nobody seemed to find that appealing. And then I thought, “aha! I’m divorced now… I’ll join e-harmony!”, I’d tried to sign up years ago and when I got to the last section, about an hour in, and finally clicked “Sign up”, it said “it appears you are not single and therefore are not eligible to use this platform”. “Say what!?”. At that time, I was separated, and I’ve always chalked it up to that, but I do think it could have chucked me off at the beginning of the hour when I checked the box marked “Separated”. This time round I was allowed into the club, and I straight away signed up for a six-month package (lemme tell you, these things are not cheap!) and boy oh boy – seriously, if you want to feel like you’re un-dateable, sign up for online dating! It really is enough to put you off dating for life.

I’m much more sanguine about it all this time though, I’m not internalising and projecting the failings of the system onto myself. I am dateable. I was in a 27-year relationship for goodness’ sake, it’s just, the method that isn’t working. And it’s not only me, I was talking to my daughter about it and she said that everyone she knows who is doing it is saying the same thing, it’s just not working. I put a call out on Instagram to see if anyone was having any success and it seemed a similar story there. So, for now, it’s a pause on that – my subscription is on hold and I’m taking the pressure to meet someone suitable away. Which brings me to the Pear ring, has anyone heard of it? Tried it? It’s a ring you wear that signals that you’re single and available to be approached (lots of potential issues there), they’re billing it as “The world’s biggest single social experiment” and their stated aim is trying to get people off of apps and out meeting in real life. It appeals to me. I’m going to get one. I’ll keep you updated!! Eek. Mind you, since I came across it a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled for Pear ring wearers and I haven’t spotted any so… Hey ho. It’s fun though, if only to try new things.

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Tickling my fancy and a round up.

Two new pieces from me – one about the impact of an unexpected midlife career change and the other, the first part of a 48hr break in Margate on the South Coast of England.

Eating

I finally made it to Violet Cakes, it’s been on my “To-Do” for literally years. And I loved it, I was lucky enough to go on a beautiful day and I sat outside at one of a handful of tables and chairs and chomped my way through an incredible scone with the thickest slab of yellow clotted cream. Bliss. I also bought a copy of the owner, Claire Ptak’s newest book “Love is a Pink Cake” because I want to make their lemon and elderflower cake (the one they made for Harry and Meghan’s wedding, but that’s not why I wanted it). The cake reminds me of a friend of a friend, Janet, who sadly died of cancer far far far too early. Janet and I bonded over supper clubs, though we both had one, we never made it to each other’s as we’d hoped we would, and flower arranging and eating cake – though her diet became very restricted as her illness progressed. She put me onto this cake. Whenever I plant my feet on the ground and feel a connection to the earth, and I did a lot of that when I was on holiday, I think about Janet and so it felt right being in one of her favourite bakeries, to buy the book even though I’m on a strict cookery book buying curfew.

Listening

I’ve been listening to quite a few podcasts, I’ve never really got into them before but for some reason these past couple of months I have.

Conversations of Inspiration - In this episode Holly Tucker MBE interviews Sue Fennessy who has started a new social network, “WeAre8” that has some really lofty aims around redistributing wealth and funding environmental and social projects as well as a big leaning towards creative projects (with no constantly changing algorithms to scupper your efforts, the platform should be good for creatives and small business owners alike). It’s worth a listen even if only to hear someone who is truly passionate about what they’re doing and who genuinely wants to effect positive change. Another episode, the one with Goldie, listened to on my way to the lido, reminded me to tap into my inner child and do something out of the ordinary. So at the end of half an hour of swimming up and down and up and down, I went into the fast lane (there was only one person there and it was a really big lane) and did some handstands and walking handstands and then got out of the pool and walked to the changing rooms with my arms outstretched pretending to be a plane. I mean, that tickled me pink! That may not be your bag, and to be honest I didn’t know it was mine but, I highly recommend doing something innocently silly from time to time.

The Diary of a CEO – this episode with Jim Kwik on memory and how not to forget things was fascinating. There were a few things in there that didn’t stick with me at all, or rather, that I didn’t agree with, but, since listening I’ve started brushing my teeth with my left hand, listening to podcasts as I walk, making sure I do some exercise (to be honest I did this anyway) in the form of dancing before an interview, not feeling embarrassed to read with my finger under the words, guiding the way – apparently that’s a way to read faster while still taking everything in, and a host of other small things.

Interview Boss – a podcast by two sisters with really good careers advice. I get stupidly nervous before interviews so before my last couple I decided I needed to work out how to prep better and try to work out what the hell it is interviewers want from you – I’m applying for jobs that I’m pretty confident I can do, I’m not going that far outside of my comfort zone so it’s a little perplexing that I struggle to get people to understand that I can do the job. In fact, it’s a failed job interview, and the subsequent feedback, which prompted me last year to try for an autism assessment. Anyway, I’ve found this helpful and they’re entertaining to boot.

Watching

Survival of the Thickest– you know what, this was great. It was well written, funny, thought provoking, educational, and inspiring. It made me think “girl, come ON!! Get out there. Embrace your sexy!”. It made me want to be messy, to stop trying to always be in control, it made me want to have lots of sex with random people, something I’ve never done, and that could definitely be fun no? It made me want to embrace life in the body I’m in and the circumstances I find myself in. It could actually be a mascot show for “A middle-aged Londoner” – the ethos being love and be unapologetically yourself. Now there’s a mantra.

Disruption - I just saw this incredible play at the Park Theatre in Finsbury Park. Everything about it is fantastic, the writing, the production, the acting, the premise. It’s quite a nice way to wrap up this newsletter as it speaks to the direction we’re moving in with technology and Artificial Intelligence and it’s deeply disturbing. It’s only on until the 5th of August, if you’re in London make haste and get yourself a ticket before it’s too late!

And finally, and hot off the press, I just saw on Instagram that the rooftop at The Berkeley which is normally only open to hotel guests will be opening its “The Berkeley Rooftop Bar” from the 1st of August in the evenings for drinks and small plates. I love a good rooftop bar/secret garden/rooftop garden and this will more than deliver. This’ll be a hot ticket.