I think you’ve used a lot of the relevant phrases there yourself. Lost in midlife, rediscovering yourself, dealing with grief and uncertainty, still being ruled by your childhood self. Lots to think about
mmm hmmm, thank you! Lost in midlife is a big one, I think. I reckon a lot of women are feeling stuck and/or lost - the empty nesters, the divorcees, the put everything into a career and now what-ers etc.
Unsolicited opinion... because you were asking your Diary, not me! LoL BUT... I don't think you're having a midlife crisis. Having two very significant loved ones pass away so close in time is devastating. I think you're dealing with grief and this has been a reminder for you to live your life to the fullest by living out your truest wildest funnest dreams. Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel whenever you need to feel it. Don't think of your feelings as right or wrong or that you need to get past them quickly. Just allow yourself to be. You only need to go within and listen to yourself. Trust yourself to know what is truly best for YOU. Sending love and good vibes your way!!! xoxoxoxoxo
Lol, also...ahem, yes...I did seem a bit confused about who I was writing to. My diary yes, but I had a sneaky feeling others would read it? Or, you ARE my diary. Or, I mean yeh, my diary, my odd way of writing. Pah ha xx
Awww, thank you my love. I agree that right this moment most of this will be grief but you know as well as I do that I've been umming and ahhing for a while now and having an existential crisis for years! Or, have been a bit lost for a while. Then again, there has been a lot going on for the longest while.
I'm realising more and more how much I don't listen to myself, how much I outsource things like common sense/knowledge to others or...to courses and books. It's something I'm really working on. I think I need to pick a route and just decide to go with it.
And 100%, feeling all there is to feel is a huge priority of mine now. The thinking is that much of my illness is related to this, having pushed down emotions and, having not listened to myself when my mind/body called out warnings.
Sending love and good vibes right back at you. xxxxx
I feel your pain over trying to find work. I took early retirement after burning out in the NHS, thinking 'Oh, I can get a part time job somewhere'...can I heck! No one seems to want to hire a (late, in my case) mid-lifer. :(
I think your mid-life crisis is part of the grief process you're going through (so sorry to hear about your losses; grief is hell, isn't it. A pain you can't take anything for). It's inspirational reading your post and seeing all the things you push yourself to do. Keep having fun amidst the crisis!
Thank you so much for your lovely, kind comment. I think you’re right, a lot of this is grief yes and it is hell. I’ve been through it a few times now for people I’m very close to, it’s definitely not fun to be back here. I think I’ve always been a little lost to be honest - I remember one of my brother’s friends saying to me that I was lost (I would have been in my early twenties at the time) and I was most put out. But I think he was onto something! I think being creative/having a creative outlet really helps. I’m just starting a painting and actually am wanting to paint portraits (I see you write about this) - funny.
Yes, I was applying away for jobs last year that I could do with my eyes closed and getting nowhere and slowly realised it’s probably age related. Very disappointing. I need a career change anyway, I’m thinking about setting up a club for middle-aged women…very in the ideas stage but watch this space!
And thank you on the wreath. I’ve got builders in at the moment digging up my basement to try to find a leak - I’ll hang it and post a picture once they’ve finished. I should probably take it out of the box though as it will be getting squashed.
I think you’ve used a lot of the relevant phrases there yourself. Lost in midlife, rediscovering yourself, dealing with grief and uncertainty, still being ruled by your childhood self. Lots to think about
mmm hmmm, thank you! Lost in midlife is a big one, I think. I reckon a lot of women are feeling stuck and/or lost - the empty nesters, the divorcees, the put everything into a career and now what-ers etc.
Unsolicited opinion... because you were asking your Diary, not me! LoL BUT... I don't think you're having a midlife crisis. Having two very significant loved ones pass away so close in time is devastating. I think you're dealing with grief and this has been a reminder for you to live your life to the fullest by living out your truest wildest funnest dreams. Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel whenever you need to feel it. Don't think of your feelings as right or wrong or that you need to get past them quickly. Just allow yourself to be. You only need to go within and listen to yourself. Trust yourself to know what is truly best for YOU. Sending love and good vibes your way!!! xoxoxoxoxo
Lol, also...ahem, yes...I did seem a bit confused about who I was writing to. My diary yes, but I had a sneaky feeling others would read it? Or, you ARE my diary. Or, I mean yeh, my diary, my odd way of writing. Pah ha xx
Awww, thank you my love. I agree that right this moment most of this will be grief but you know as well as I do that I've been umming and ahhing for a while now and having an existential crisis for years! Or, have been a bit lost for a while. Then again, there has been a lot going on for the longest while.
I'm realising more and more how much I don't listen to myself, how much I outsource things like common sense/knowledge to others or...to courses and books. It's something I'm really working on. I think I need to pick a route and just decide to go with it.
And 100%, feeling all there is to feel is a huge priority of mine now. The thinking is that much of my illness is related to this, having pushed down emotions and, having not listened to myself when my mind/body called out warnings.
Sending love and good vibes right back at you. xxxxx
Looooove that wreath! The splashes of colour!
I feel your pain over trying to find work. I took early retirement after burning out in the NHS, thinking 'Oh, I can get a part time job somewhere'...can I heck! No one seems to want to hire a (late, in my case) mid-lifer. :(
I think your mid-life crisis is part of the grief process you're going through (so sorry to hear about your losses; grief is hell, isn't it. A pain you can't take anything for). It's inspirational reading your post and seeing all the things you push yourself to do. Keep having fun amidst the crisis!
Oh hello Frances,
Thank you so much for your lovely, kind comment. I think you’re right, a lot of this is grief yes and it is hell. I’ve been through it a few times now for people I’m very close to, it’s definitely not fun to be back here. I think I’ve always been a little lost to be honest - I remember one of my brother’s friends saying to me that I was lost (I would have been in my early twenties at the time) and I was most put out. But I think he was onto something! I think being creative/having a creative outlet really helps. I’m just starting a painting and actually am wanting to paint portraits (I see you write about this) - funny.
Yes, I was applying away for jobs last year that I could do with my eyes closed and getting nowhere and slowly realised it’s probably age related. Very disappointing. I need a career change anyway, I’m thinking about setting up a club for middle-aged women…very in the ideas stage but watch this space!
And thank you on the wreath. I’ve got builders in at the moment digging up my basement to try to find a leak - I’ll hang it and post a picture once they’ve finished. I should probably take it out of the box though as it will be getting squashed.